I hate Marian Hossa.
Yes, actually hate. My blood boils whenever I see that mug on television. Here's a short list of the reasons why.
1. He's a former Ottawa Senator. Ottawa Senators represent to me a group of whiney sore losers who cower when the going gets tough. Four straight playoff exits at the ends of the supposedly inferior Maple Leafs (Yes, I am allowed to bring this up despite the regular season results); a Stanley Cup final choking display unlike anything we've seen since Toronto's 6 shot showing against the Devils in 2000 to lose in the second round; a 3rd period collapse that they had the nerve to blame on a 1 celled organism, granted "Krusty" Alfredsson took the high road; Magnus 'Stickwork' Arvedson getting pummelled by Domi after repeatedly provoking him; Martin Havlat kicking then Boston Bruin Hal Gill; I could go on and on. The point is, they are weenies.
2. He's better at hockey in a coma then I will ever be.
3. His name is Marian. Mary Ann. He has a girls name. So from now on, whenever you watch a game of hockey and Mary Ann Hossa touches the puck, I want you all to say in a reserved, direct fashion "That guy's name is Marian" then snicker to yourself. You will feel better and your friends will laugh. Trust me. I have a friend that does this constantly and we still laugh every time he does it, despite having heard it well over a hundred times.
4. He jumped ship to the team that beat him in the finals. It's gutless and I won't respect his Stanley Cup ring when he gets it this year. The only thing worse than that would be if Johnny Damon left the Red Sox and signed with the Yankees. That happened already? Crap. Ok, the only thing worse would be if Manny Ramirez signed with the Yankees in the off-season.
5. Bryan Berard. This damn senator Mary Ann Hossa couldn't control his follow through and destroyed what would have been a spectacular career and a dominating blue line for the Leafs. There's no telling how good a player Bryan Berard was going to get. He was a slick moving, up and coming defenseman with all the promise in the world. In a split second, Mary Ann changed the face of the Leafs and robbed them of a Stanley Cup.... Ok, maybe not. But it was a drastic change that the Leafs had to deal with as Berard was to be part of their plans on the back end for years to come.
This moment in time gave birth to a new word.
1. To be the recipient of a high stick infraction that may or may not draw blood
Berard was hossa'ed by the opposition.
1. A player who is known for his frequent high stick infractions
2. A high stick infraction
McSorely is a real hossa'er. Wayne Gretzky committed the most obvious hossa ever in history to everyone without the name Kerry Fraser.
1. To be in danger of committing a high stick infraction
Mary Ann is really hossa'ing it up out there.
Feel free to add more of your own.
Next time you are watching a game with your fellow Leaf fans always remember to replace the term "high sticking" with "Hossa'ing".
As I finish writing this entry, I realize one more thing about Marian Hossa: The longer you look at and type the word Hossa, the more foolish you realize the word looks and sounds.
I hate you, Marian Hossa.
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